Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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