i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
