I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
