Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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