He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
