I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
