Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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