we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
