This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
