I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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