you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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