Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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