I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
