went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
