his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
do nipples grow back?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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