Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
