Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
