when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
