My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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