Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
