Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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