Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
