vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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