dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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