dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
