Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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