What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
