Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
