dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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