make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
