Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
