Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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