Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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