i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
