R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
