I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
