The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
