Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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