Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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