God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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