She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize
