The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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