Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
