dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
