She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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