when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
