Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
