cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
