somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
