Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
