$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
