How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
