shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
