i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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