You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
