; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
