Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
