you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
