The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
